Nights are lonely without you. I’m still living in the past where we chat endlessly as if there is no tomorrow. I try to utter a word but everytime I do so, I fail. And after that failure, I would just choose to keep my silence and give you some space for I know there is nothing I can do. I don’t want to push you hard to talk to me; that’d make me weird-looking in your eyes and you may be freaked out. Once, a friend told me that once you try getting close to a person, the more that person keep himself/herself distant from you.
I keep that in mind all the time.
I tried. But once a day passed, after the sun rises and sets without talking to you, I would eventually forget everything she told me and I’d immediately go towards the computer, seeing to it that I leave a message so that you’d know that I exist. And after receiving your reply, it’s as if my heart feels heaven. Otherwise, a lot of things would play in my mind - playful things that made me extremely paranoid and traumatized. I don’t want the past to happen again. Yep, it’s hard facing that past of ours. I tried burying that past to the bottomest pit possible but my subconscious still cognitively unearths everything that has happened - and yeah, it plays like a broken record.
I don’t want to open this up to you personally because I’m afraid that it might just trigger back the miserable things that has happened to us. I remember that these dilemmas were the ones that sparked our major argument. Trust was lost, love faded and personalities transformed. There were times that I’m afraid to speak up about random things because I’m too afraid that those words might just end up being misinterpreted and the fact that I’m struggling for our relationship be forgotten.
We have changed, I know. And I’m still living in the past - I still look forward to the fact that we can go back to the couple we used to be. On the other side, however, I have to be realistic: people do change. We change. Maybe that’s just how things are. I’m just afraid that we, as persons, truly change and our feelings also are bound to change.
Oh well, as of this moment, I don’t know what to do with our relationship at all. It’s hard, I know. I still love you, the same way I loved you before.
I just don’t have a track of how you’re feeling about me. No, it’s not true. I can clearly see it. You still love me. You’re trying. It’s just that time won’t permit us and I’m demanding more which I shouldn’t be doing. I don’t know why.
The question is, which is the right thing to do: to reciprocate what you’re giving me or to give you all the love I can give without expecting a lot in return?
Til now, I don’t know. All I know is, I love you so much, I’m so happy we’re still together and I can’t let you go…
But fear lurks around somewhere and creates boundaries between us two.
But behind it all, I still have the same love for you. That’s what matters most.
To love is to struggle.
Love should be giving your all, without expecting anything in return. Though sometimes we give out so much so that we even hurt ourselves, we are still able to undergo the pain because we know that somehow it is worth it.
There are moments that we forget to look at ourselves and think for ourselves for the sake of the other’s happiness, in the hope of someday that person will reciprocate the love we offered to him/her.
Well, I guess this is what love is: it is patient and kind; it trusts, hopes and perseveres.
Trust is always the key. If you want your partner to trust you, you have to trust them as well. However, trust should never be unspoken, instead, there must be an assurance between the two parties to guarantee unbreakable trust.
Once this trust is broken, always learn to forgive and forget. It won’t be easy, though. But if you really value your relationship, you, two, have to endure the pain and struggle to reconstruct the trust. :>
If I were to give everything up and walk away, will you hold my hand, pull me closer to your chest and promise me you’ll never let go?
Always speak your heart out whenever the circumstance permits. Insecurities, untold hatred and doubts are bound to happen if we don’t do so. It always takes two to tango, meaning, to have the best relationship, you and your partner must always meet halfway. :D
Being single is not being alone; it’s a time to explore and reflect on yourself. Enjoy it while you still can. :)
You were never there for me, especially during the times I needed you…
Earlier you PM-ed me. It felt like HEAVEN, for real! We chit-chatted and knew how the each of us was doing.. Just the usual casual talk, honestly… except for the fact that all the feelings which I thought I’ve already lost came back to me, right then.
I can’t stop loving you… I can’t stop looking at your Facebook account… I can’t stop wondering when can I ask you to ask me the questions again… I can’t stop thinking about you…
If only I had an amnesia machine which, perhaps, can delete all the memories here in my head, I wouldn’t hesitate using it so that I can forget all those smiles and those killer looks which you once cast on me. But I surely can’t. And I won’t. As I mentioned in my previous
(rant) article, you were once a part of my life. You are one of the those that made me strong thus, I should be thankful to God for bringing you to my life. You weren’t a curse; in fact, you are a blessing. :>
Maybe I should let go of you, to build a stronger path for my future. It will not be easy, honestly speaking. I expect hardships but I know that thinking my future and my happiness could be my motivation.
If you could just ask me the question and clarify things for me, maybe I would be more happy. Again, thank you. :”>
~Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions, oh, let’s go back to the start… (The Scientist, Coldplay)
<clink!> Christmas wishlist!
I don’t know how all these started. As far as I can remember, it was Summer 2011 that I started to like you. You often glance at me in a very funny but comforting way (as if I were safe and secure) and I returned the glances. We did this for a long period of time (the whole school year, actually) - exchanging looks which, I bet, have something concealed in it; something sparky and mysterious.
So, now, here I am, spending time with myself and getting used to the times that I don’t see your gaze anymore. But, just so you know, I miss those times. I regret the things that made you forget about looking at me straight in the eye and mysteriously poke me from behind and the things that assured you I won’t shift to your course anymore. I somehow laugh whenever I remember that time when you heard me say that I will pursue the same career path as yours. You held me at an arm’s length and, as always, gave me that fatal look face to face. But that memory, I guess, will always be a memory from now on.
You made me glad whenever you’re online. Seeing your photo in “the friends online” gives me a slight feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment. I always click your picture in that tab and when the chat pops out, my courage always fades away. Probably I got used to and was spoiled by that you were the one who approaches me through chat. I really miss those times that we chatted all night long about our interests while I listen to The Script’s “For the First Time”. And I definitely cannot forget those questions that you haven’t actually asked me. You just said, “Pwede kitang tanungin?” and I would confirm. But then you would mumble and play with the keyboard, pretending to ask me in an alien language. You repeated this for about four times. And I would just laugh in return. PLEASE ASK ME THE REAL QUESTION AGAIN…
I guess, we are not really meant for each other (in case you have similar feelings for me, but I’m not expecting). It’s not the gender I’m talking about but our ends. We certainly do not meet halfway; we are two very different people with two different paths to take. Furthermore, what made me believe that “we are never ever getting back together” is the fact that you were always haunted by that person from your past and you can’t get loose from him/her. I never felt that there was a reason that I could be enough for you and with that, I seek for more - more of what I am not and more of what he is. But with all those internal sufferings I’ve undertaken, I can say that I TRULY LOVED YOU.
Let God and destiny be our guide and let them prevail. If we meet somewhere in the future, let it be. You know that I have always loved you and I’m looking forward to meeting you again to tell you that I LOVE YOU. Don’t be sad if I meet people from the university I’m in because you always have a portion in here. But as for now, I am thankful that you inspired me in my last year of high school. Thank you for being a part of my life. ;>
P.S. I would just focus to Jesse McCartney’s song, “Just So You Know” to remind me that I’ve always wanted to tell you something.